Letters to Dave

So many people I need to let go of.  Perhaps I will start tonight, with those that inspired my domain name.  Farewell, those I knew.  I wish you the best.  Be at peace.

Dave,

Despite a solid night of sleep, I feel tired. Perhaps it’s residual from Saturday, or perhaps I really just don’t feel well. It was a good weekend, though. I wish I could bottle up the experience to save for a rainy day. I’ll be honest, I had forgotten that Nathan and I could actually have fun doing things together. Granted, there wasn’t much need to entertain each other as we drove through the mountains.

I actually felt that my presense was appreciated, even enjoyed. I have to wonder how much I ignore because I simply don’t want to see that I am loved, etc. Why is it so much easier to assume I don’t matter? And yes, that’s exactly what I do. I’ve diminished myself into nothing. I don’t like being like this at all, but at least I’m concious of it. I’m working to build myself back up from the door mat I’ve become (by my own hand), but it’s taking a long time to rewire my thinking. But I’m working at it. Maybe the fact that I’ve begun to feel rather lazy lately will encourage me.

I wonder if I can learn to sleep with music again.

Blah, work to do. I rather curl up and go to sleep.

-Ashe

Dave,

I had been thinking for some time that I stopped writing here for all the wrong reasons. Someone, namely one of the Daves, was displeased that I dare share my thoughts on my own website, a website that gets maybe five hits a month. Tsk tsk tsk. No more. However, I shall impose my own order.

I shall return to my letters. However, the Daves have changed. None shall be addressed to one who requested I cease, for I care not to think of him in the first place. None shall be addressed to David of the East, for our paths have split and shall not cross again. None shall be addressed to David of H&T, for while I respect you immensely, we were never terribly close.These letters shall be addressed to an old friend from long ago. The person that taught me no amount of begging and pleading can get you what you want. That life is tough, bitch about it and move on.

So I shall, Dave, so I shall.

-Ashley