Letters to Dave

Home

I sit outside on a small cement porch, listening to the Carbon Leaf song playing in someone’s car.  Folks are inside working on signs they hope fanciful enough to be picked up and shown on ESPN.  At a school not mine, I smile and enjoy the company of close friends none the less, a bit amused at the suits and dresses worn by the natives to attend a college basketball game.  It was one of two games I went to at the University of Virginia.

Ordinary Eyes

Brown eyes are my downfall.  I continue to appreciate the clear blues and greens, but a pair of deep, brown eyes seems to arrest my attention from anything else.  I’ve only ever dated one person with brown eyes and for all the other things I’ve forgotten, I still remember those eyes to the last flicker of gold around the iris.  Last I heard, the gentleman had gone bald.  I somehow can’t picture that.

Desperation Song

For some insanely stupid reason, I told an associate of mine, Brendan, about how envious I was of those graphics folks at Hydraulx that come in at 9pm to utilize their slice of rendering time on the servers.  How I loved listening to them talk shop and war and love.  I was indeed smitten with the poor artist lifestyle, even developing a crush on Santa Monica itself.  Then he made the observation that we all want an interesting life and I promptly fell flat.  I hadn’t thought if that way and I’m terribly annoyed with Brendan about that statement to this day.

I’m also rather miffed no one ever pointed out to me that coding for gaming is nothing more than fanciful C++.  You bastards.

Summer Song

Whenever memories of my various (mis)adventures with Rusty pop into my mind, they never feel completely right as they play.  I want to stage them in the summer, but that was never actually the case.  I feel slighted by that.

On Any Given

You’ll find me gone.

Well, I’m home.  I survived my first BlizzCon oddly enough.  No major hangovers, no major drama.  Spent time with old friends and made some new ones.  I came home tired and a bit sad.  It’s a good thing I make good money, visiting these people in the future will add up over time.

Playing Starcraft II brought back some good memories and I’m once again psyched about Diablo 3.  At the same time, I’m a bit sad about Wrath coming out.  I’ll have to leave my guild, likely, and that makes me sad since I’ve gotten to know a few more people better.  But really, who knows?

I also have a whole rant I’m working on in my head, about female gamers and the rest of the world.  Maybe I’ll dump it here, maybe not.  I think, in a dream situation, I’d go to a new guild that had no clue I’m a female.  Not sure how I’d pull off the ventrillo part, but I’m smart, I’d think of something.

Overall, it was a good time.  I miss some folks already, but hopefully we’ll visit and have more good times.  And now I have a really bitchin’ Nocturne shirt.  Yay.

Find Reign of Kindo’s music.  Listen to it.  Repeat.

Kudo’s to (oddly enough) a Dave for introducing me to this awesome band.

To check out on the cheap, go to http://www.relevantmagazine.com/thedrop.php and scroll through the CD’s to Reign of Kindo.

When the hell did Daniel Radcliffe get so hot?  And am I going to jail for saying that?

So many people I need to let go of.  Perhaps I will start tonight, with those that inspired my domain name.  Farewell, those I knew.  I wish you the best.  Be at peace.

Dave,

Despite a solid night of sleep, I feel tired. Perhaps it’s residual from Saturday, or perhaps I really just don’t feel well. It was a good weekend, though. I wish I could bottle up the experience to save for a rainy day. I’ll be honest, I had forgotten that Nathan and I could actually have fun doing things together. Granted, there wasn’t much need to entertain each other as we drove through the mountains.

I actually felt that my presense was appreciated, even enjoyed. I have to wonder how much I ignore because I simply don’t want to see that I am loved, etc. Why is it so much easier to assume I don’t matter? And yes, that’s exactly what I do. I’ve diminished myself into nothing. I don’t like being like this at all, but at least I’m concious of it. I’m working to build myself back up from the door mat I’ve become (by my own hand), but it’s taking a long time to rewire my thinking. But I’m working at it. Maybe the fact that I’ve begun to feel rather lazy lately will encourage me.

I wonder if I can learn to sleep with music again.

Blah, work to do. I rather curl up and go to sleep.

-Ashe

Dave,

I had been thinking for some time that I stopped writing here for all the wrong reasons. Someone, namely one of the Daves, was displeased that I dare share my thoughts on my own website, a website that gets maybe five hits a month. Tsk tsk tsk. No more. However, I shall impose my own order.

I shall return to my letters. However, the Daves have changed. None shall be addressed to one who requested I cease, for I care not to think of him in the first place. None shall be addressed to David of the East, for our paths have split and shall not cross again. None shall be addressed to David of H&T, for while I respect you immensely, we were never terribly close.These letters shall be addressed to an old friend from long ago. The person that taught me no amount of begging and pleading can get you what you want. That life is tough, bitch about it and move on.

So I shall, Dave, so I shall.

-Ashley